Episode 08: How to Find Your Passion

[00:00:00] Seth: Hey, so I wanted to follow up on an episode that I did previously that was titled something to the effect of don't follow your passion. And I wanted to follow it up with an episode about finding your passion. It may not be useful to everyone because I know a lot of people already know what they're just absolutely excited about.

But I bring it up because for most of my life I did not. And I've come around to something that I would absolutely call passion. In my life now, but it took me a while to get there. So for me, there's always been things that I wanted motivated me enough to get me to do things. But there's never really been an overarching passion that's driven much of what I've done.

Of course, I have children, and that's the kind of passion that, that you gain. You know, the kind of love that you have for your own children is, is indescribable. But even still, a general passion as most of us think about it, I don't think I really do. Had most of my life. I used to think about it. What's what's my thing when I was young?

What's what's the thing that I'm into because supposedly everybody has a thing that they're into and I really I really didn't and I you Know it's it's fair if you really don't you may not but I believe that most people can get there for me It seemed like every little hobby that my parents brought up to me I wasn't interested in and when I got a little older, I was too tired to even think about hobbies so I kind of continued in this life of passionless existence, for lack of a better way of saying it.

When I went to college, I had a couple different majors and ultimately decided on the one that I was in at the time, just because I came to the conclusion that why bother looking for my special thing when I can just, you know, I just need to get a degree and get a job at this point. And that was my goal.

That was, that was my motivation at the time was graduate, get a job, get married, start a family. And like I said earlier, that worked well enough for me. Those are motivating factors in my life. They got me to do things. But I did eventually come to one. So I just want to talk a little bit about how that came to be.

So before I go on, I just want to bring up that becoming passionate about a thing, in my experience is less about finding a thing that you're just that interested in. I don't think there's very many things that people are just simply passionate about. Usually what fuels the passion, what provides the juice to keep you going in that passion is usually some kind of purpose.

And so people come to these passions, sometimes through obsession, maybe some deep insecurity. But let's assume that having a passion driven by purpose is the healthier option here. So I guess I'd call that step number one. To have a passion, find a purpose. The purpose doesn't have to be specific, but the things that help you achieve your purpose do have to be specific, and that's where the passion happens.

It's that thing that you don't mind doing in order to accomplish the purpose that drives you forward. A person's purpose is probably not going to be something like becoming the President of the United States of America. That may be an avenue for a person to achieve whatever their purpose is, but in that case the purpose probably was something.

More like, removing corruption, or pushing forward a new and glorious way of governing. Also, I've never heard of a purpose that is anything other than altruistic. In comic books, there's sometimes these guys who find a purpose in burning the world down, and I don't doubt that there's people like that that exist in the world.

But pretty much every purpose I've ever heard in my entire life was something altruistic. Something that somebody was doing because they believed it would help other people. It's a natural, it comes from a natural well inside of all people, this desire to ultimately help other people. So if passion is the combination of a purpose plus a thing that you're willing to do to achieve that purpose, my pathway to, to get there went something like this.

So 10 years ago or so, I was relatively newly married. And my goal was really just to make money. It was a given already that I had found my spouse at that point and I just wanted to make money. Of course at that stage of my life I was pretty poor and uncomfortable and so it was a pretty strong motivating factor for me to not be poor and uncomfortable anymore.

So that's where my focus was. Directed was making money. And then at the same time, the ultimate goal was to get time because, you know, you go from college where you're basically living sort of a, for a lot of kids, it's a bit of a fantasy life. Even they don't, even though they don't really know it, they feel like finals are the end of the world for them, or they feel like their classes are so hard, but.

You really have way more time. Well, if you're like me and didn't study that much you really have way more time than you ever will once you get married and have a regular job. Because once you get married and have a regular job, your time now belongs to other people. And, and especially once you have those children.

And so at that stage of my life, the money and the time goals became very, very important. And frankly, I was too tired to really think about anything else. That being said, I still had some free time, and with that free time, I would usually squander it by watching, me and my ex would watch TV or something, or we'd usually, usually we'd just veg out, or something to that effect.

But I did reach a point where I realized, I was just wasting my life watching TV with what little free time I had, and so I did ultimately try to cut those out. And that's where things really started for me. You can't let the distractions in your life keep you from bigger and better things. Because they will.

They will suck the juice out of you, they'll suck the vigor and excitement that you naturally have inside of you. And if you ever want to get in touch with those things. You really got to cut them off. So for me, it was TV. And after I cut off the TV, it was obsessively reading the news. And after, after the news, it was Facebook or something or some, something on my phone.

The phone is terrible. It's just so easy to allow yourself to get distracted with something on a phone. And so what I attempted to do was to make myself bored. I actually got this out of a, out of a book, this education book that I read at one point and it talked about, it talked about making kids bored because once they get bored, they start to do interesting things.

So there's a response that I'm sure I'm not the only parent that's ever done this, but when a kid comes to you and they say, I'm bored because they're whining and their children and they want the easy way out. They want. They want you to hand them an iPad or something. Well, the answer that I like to give them is wonderful.

That means you're about to do something amazing. And it's true, and almost every time, you know, you say that enough, and you just let your kid go out there into the world and be bored, they will do something amazing. They'll also possibly destroy your house in the process, but they will do something amazing.

And I cannot tell you how many times I come back after telling them, good for you for being bored, and finding cut up cardboard all over the house, or. All the dishes out with paints and other stuff. And it's just, it's incredible. Kids will actually go and do stuff. If you force them to figure it out themselves, they can't help it.

And we're the same way. If you cut out these things that keep us placated, we'll go and do pretty amazing things. I remember this guy that I, I once knew and he was, he was older. He was a, he was a Vietnam vet. And not that this has anything to do with Vietnam. He was telling me about his childhood and, and all these little toys he would make back in, I guess this was the fifties or forties or whatever.

And he was talking about, oh yeah, well, we couldn't afford this. And so we, we got this little can and we put this thing in here and it. Turned it into like a car and I'm like, Oh my gosh, how'd you guys figure that out? I mean, apparently, you know, kids talk to each other and they learn things, but the creativity of that period of time was pretty astounding.

And that's not the only time I've heard. Some of the older generation talk about it, because kids are naturally curious, and they want to learn about things, and so do we. We're just stifled by the distractions in life. So anyways, I cut things out, and lo and behold, I started to take some interest in things.

I think the first thing that I started taking interest in was probably woodworking. It's not something that I'm into right now, but it was something that I was kind of into at the time. It was, I, I, it began with having to do little household projects and fix things here and there. And after acquiring some tools and acquiring some know how, I remember feeling quite confident and realizing, Oh, I can, I can work with this material.

And I started to build some things here and there. And I got into it. It was, I would say that was my first hobby and it didn't last very long. I still have all the tools and I'm able to fix stuff whenever I need to for the most part, but it's not a full blown hobby for me anymore. But it was my first, and I went on through many more.

Eventually I moved on to fishing, I tried fishing tried to make a regular thing out of kayaking. I started just saying yes. When people would invite me to things, I would say yes. There was a time early in my married life where if somebody asked me to do something, I would just try to find a way to not do it because I was just too tired.

And I, I think I also wasn't really ready to invest in other people yet because I was kind of transient. I was always moving. But I started saying yes, and if somebody wanted to take me to go enjoy a hobby that they liked, then I was, I was all for it. I was going to try it. I started getting into audiobooks and listening to all the classics that I'd ever heard of.

I started listening to biographies and history books and I started doing karate. Eventually I joined a gym and not too long ago when I got divorced, I just like anything I could fill my spare time with, I started doing. So a lot of the things that I started doing, all of these things that I mentioned, very few of them am I doing now, but I am continually doing things and trying things out and doing those things.

Led me to a place where I would say I've, I've reached a passion. I've come to a place where I, I have a hobby that I absolutely love. So now onto that. So a few years ago, actually, I was listening to another podcast and they were, they brought up there, they had a guest on that show and it was this guy that was like a, apparently some champion storyteller, whatever, whatever the hell that means.

I don't even know what that means, but I guess the guy's good at telling stories, but he talked about how he would do it. And how he'd come up with his material. And he talked about doing daily homework. And he said, just write something about your day. Just even one sentence, every single day. Just something that was notable to you.

Not necessarily, today I went to the store, and at 8am I drove to work, and at 9am I said hello to my boss, and at 5pm I left. Don't do that. Look for things that are interesting. So that's why he suggested. So I started doing this and like I've said many times before I have kids so kids do funny things and I found myself every day writing something new or funny that my kids had done or said and I just kept on doing it and to this day I still when I see something interesting I have I just have a simple notes app.

I mean all of the different phones operating systems have their own notes apps. I, I just have a notes app that I, I use and I just write little, jot little things down and I do this almost every day. You know, some days I get caught up in things and I forget, but pretty much every day or anytime I have a thought, I make a note about it and soon that evolved into Writing, writing a little bit, a little bit more.

I attempted poetry. I attempted writing books. I tried writing essays and now I'm writing podcasts. And I can honestly say today that I am genuinely. I'm very passionate about writing and it's, it's not that I love writing so much. If anything, writing is still a chore for me, but I love the way it helps me work my thoughts out and I love talking to people about it.

Like this stuff is exciting for me. If you asked me if I would think writing was interesting. 10 or 15 years ago. I, I mean, if you would have told that version of myself 10 or 15 years ago that I would feel passionate about writing, I would have laughed at you. Because there is no way I would have ever considered myself somebody that I journaled back then periodically because I was told regularly that that's something that I should do.

And I'd have little bouts where I would journal and I'd always stop. You know, I'd, I'd do it for a while and then I'd stop because I just was not into it. I did not like it. But for me, it's become, it's become a way, like I said, to work out my thoughts and. Also, hopefully a way just to, as, as I'm able to work out my thoughts, I'm also able to help people around me work out their thoughts and it's become incredibly satisfying for me.

So I would say that's my passion. And the purpose that ultimately drives it for me is. I would just love to rid the world of apathy and self hatred and the zombie ism that's infected us these days. Will I be successful? Probably not. Will I make an impact? I hope so. Maybe not. Is that purpose going to drive me to do this anyways?

Absolutely. Because, at the end of the day, I don't know that I even care how many people it reaches, so long as I can reach a few. Because that's important to me. Because I don't want to be a zombie, and I don't want anyone else to have to be a zombie either. And now to you. If you're going to find a passion, you've got to find something that you care deeply about.

And then you need a means to do something about it. To begin with, you gotta try everything. You have to be willing to do stuff. Even stuff that you don't think you'll like. And you need to do it long enough to gain at least a little bit of skill in it. I remember I mentioned earlier that I tried karate for a little while.

I cannot tell you how awkward I felt, like, screaming and punching with a bunch of 12 year olds cause that's what I had to do, initially. I started it with with my stepson at the time. And I was so incredibly uncomfortable, but you know, I got a little better. I moved up a few belts and I had enough time to get some skill and it changed things all of a sudden I kind of liked this hobby and had I not gotten divorced, I probably would kept on going, but I just can't make the classes very often.

So you got to get good at a few things. You don't need to be an expert, but you have to actually improve enough in something to at least to have it be a tool in your tool belt. And once you gain any level of skill, it's something that usually fuels you to want to get a little bit better. And once you know how to learn a thing that seems a little difficult, whether it be.

an instrument, whether it be a martial art or something like that, it will get you excited to learn other things because now you have the knowledge of how to learn things, which is, that's a thing that I didn't comprehend before. I did not have the knowledge to, to really learn a thing. The idea of learning a foreign language at one point in my life, was incomprehensible.

It's like, how do you even do that? Like, I can't do that. I'm not capable of that. But doing it enough times, you learn that if I stick this out for a little while, I'm going to be able to do something. I'm going to have some skill. And you have to get past that really uncomfortable stage. So go into things planning on being uncomfortable because you will be.

At least at least in some, some of these things that you can't do privately and It requires some social witnessing of your ineptitude. And then like I've said before, you have to remove distractions. You will do cool things if you remove your daily distractions. It's in this space where you remove those distractions.

That you're going to find what you're actually interested in, but you have to be present enough to get to that point. So if you keep on doing these things, you can stop worrying about finding a passion. You can just do things, and it will get more and more fun as you do them. And as you do these things, a passion will find you, because a purpose is going to find you one way or another.

And that purpose may change throughout your life, but when you have skills by which you can further that purpose, You who now have a passion. And that passion will make it all easy. What's funny is like, all of these things are not necessarily fun in and of themselves. It's what you can do with them. All of these things just become tools.

The things that you learn. And what's going to happen is if you find that you enjoy music and you get to be extremely talented, you may find that you find a passion in giving that gift to other people by teaching them. You may find that you have a passion to just make music that you can share with people that hopefully lifts them up just a little.

Some people want to design programs that can give materially to other people. And some people want to fix the problems that they see in the world around them. And if they have the tools to do it, whether that tool is simply money or a skillset, then they have a passion. They have a task at hand. That's going to drive what they're doing.

So try things out and try out lots of them. And when you have a hobby, and you have a purpose, and you combine the two, you've reached that passion. Some people will never find a purpose, even though they care deeply about something, because they just haven't explored things that they like doing. Because you might care deeply about something, but you may just not be able to bring yourself to do the things that will help drive it forward, in which case you'll never find that passion.

So I assume if you've decided to listen to this It at least piqued your interest a little bit, and I'm assuming that maybe you don't have a passion. Don't lose hope that you'll never have one, because it's probably out there. And if you have one now, but it's not so strong, just keep trying things. Just don't stop trying things.

Purposes change, goals change, everything changes. My passion today may be different tomorrow, but as of today, I have one, and I love it, and it gives something to me that It gives me purpose and meaning and is exciting and I like to do it and I hope you can have the same.