Episode 42: The Difference Between Awe and Ahh

If you ever want a good conversation starter. Ask a person what their [00:00:30] dream home would be like. You could ask them where the house would be, what it would look like, you could ask what amenities it has, or how many rooms and what the decor would look like. People light up when they start thinking about this.

Children and adults alike. I think it's because in a way, a dream home represents to some degree who we want to be. It's hard to disentangle that fantasy home from the person it's custom made for. I also think that unbeknownst to [00:01:00] us, it is a window into our souls. A dream home is tailor made to suit our fantasies, and therefore it reflects our aspirations, and our aspirations are a hint at what we really value in life.

Not too long ago, I wrote an episode that talked a little bit about what I used to dream of in a home. And to be brief, my fantasy was of a home that was both grand and breathtaking, a home that reflected what I wanted to be and what I [00:01:30] valued. Sometimes in the evenings when I'm putting my kids to bed, I let my kids tell me what they would do to their room if they could do anything to it.

And even just moments ago, my daughter opted to spend our evening chat time telling me all about the things that she would do to her room. It included a pool under her bed that she could sneak into without anyone seeing her, a private enclosure. To surround her, a TV, and sliding doors. She probably [00:02:00] spent like three minutes just explaining to me how the doors were going to work.

Clearly, at this stage of her life, fun is what she knows and aspires to. The other day I asked a woman what her dream home would have, and she was quick to answer that it would have a wraparound porch. And I was kind of impressed by that answer. Not too long ago, the most important feature of my dream home was going to be giant elephant statues, for the sake of impressing my friends.

[00:02:30] I think for that woman, that wraparound porch probably means something to her because some part of her likely values the contented peace associated with sitting outside. And time spent with people you care about. The thing about homes is people don't necessarily need too much to be happy in them. It's our tendency to pursue the new and the exciting.

But I think the trick to finding the kind of home that might actually be a dream to live in, it's more about finding the things that [00:03:00] make us more content where we already are. So when we think about making our dream home, if we're looking for a home that actually improves our life, it's less about the amenities and the stuff, and more about.

What we do to make ourselves more content in the space that we have. I could take a lot of pleasure waking up to a view of the sunrise over the ocean on a sandy beach. But if I'm being honest, I could also take a lot of pleasure out of waking up to [00:03:30] sit on a porch and watch the squirrels in the trees.

Obviously, one of those can be attained for much less money than the other. In short, finding our dream home is as much a process of not taking things for granted as it is building a custom home. It's easy to get caught up in our own fantasies, especially when other people consider those same fantasies as valuable.

When most of society is telling you that your dream home should be a house on the water or at the base [00:04:00] of a ski resort. It gets easy to think that anything else is of lesser value. In some areas of the world, living next to the water is actually considered a negative. So it's clear that our fantasies are somewhat dictated by what we think we should want.

Just being aware of that fact can make it easier to shift what we value in a home to something far more attainable, and possibly more authentic to what you actually value. [00:04:30] And if we really want to find a home that actually makes us happier, we'd probably benefit from considering first, what is the most important thing to us?

Instead of starting with what hobbies you want to pursue, I would say, consider what things actually make you happier. It may very well be your hobby, but I think hobbies often come to us simply because they facilitate our access to a community that we enjoy being around. What seems to matter deep down to [00:05:00] most people is feeling safe, feeling comfortable.

And spending time with people in a way that makes them feel more connected. I really do believe that those three things are the key to actually finding a home. That would be a dream to live in. And fortunately, those three things don't have to be so far out of sight for the average person. It's so easy to be distracted by beauty and magnificence.

But as much as we can all appreciate beautiful architecture, and impressively large homes, they do not [00:05:30] inherently make our lives better. For example, a small home is easier to clean, which in many ways makes it more comfortable than a big home. And a large home makes it easier for people in the same house to never see each other, which is the opposite of facilitating more connection.

More and more, I find myself drawn to the kind of home where a straight sock does not ruin the aesthetic. Comfort in a home is more important. Less about columns, arches, or incredible architectural features and more about filling [00:06:00] it with the things that help us relax and the things that inspire us. Good smells, warm colors, comforting light, music, blankets, soft things, pictures of what we love, and of course, the people that we love.

Something I find interesting is how quickly the luster of beautiful things fades away over time. On a couple of occasions, I really enjoyed Worked in beautiful high rise buildings in the middle of the city. Initially, I was so impressed by these places, but [00:06:30] the wow factor wore off after about a month, and those magnificent buildings became as common to me as any place might have been.

But the things that continued to bring me some amount of comfort while I was there were the little things I did to make my space feel like my own. The pictures and the mementos that made it mine. Today, I work out of a home office in my house. The house is small and fairly old, but I find it incredibly comfortable for me.

My office is filled with things that I like, and it's perpetually [00:07:00] just a little messy. I like the warm colors and the wood in the room. It smells nice and it has a few pieces of furniture that I particularly like. The cost for me to be here is almost nothing. My furniture is cheap and mostly second hand, but it's comfortable.

The most expensive thing in the room is probably a pair of speakers that I use to play music. In our pursuit of glory, sometimes we forget to smell the roses. [00:07:30] We may have an apartment in a less than desirable neighborhood, but in the right hands those four walls can become a peaceful haven. It's not so much what is grand that makes us feel at home, but rather what is familiar and warm.

I once heard on another podcast that You should strive to be your own butler. Doing the little things that make you feel good in the future. Maybe that means setting out a pair of slippers next to your bed the night before. Maybe it means making your bed [00:08:00] so when you go to sleep it feels clean and welcoming.

It could mean boiling some cinnamon sticks or lighting a candle. Turning the lights low in the evening or putting on some music in the morning. As I'm getting older the idea of building a home seems less a matter of finding a nice place to live but Finding the things in life that you want to be surrounded by.

Maybe that home is small. Maybe it's filled with the things that bring you real comfort. Maybe it's got a [00:08:30] beautiful shade tree where you can sit and watch the cars go by. Maybe it has a warm fire burning in the fireplace. Maybe it's home to your bug collection. Possibly there's pictures on the wall that remind you of things that you love.

Surprisingly, when I think about the happiest years that I had married to my ex wife, it was probably when we opted to move our family And other than feeling a little bit of guilt at not providing more for my [00:09:00] kids, my life was content, and my family was as happy as I think they ever were. What really makes a home special isn't its grand features, it's those small comforts.

The people that share it with you and your own ability to maintain gratitude and appreciation for the little things in life. Heaven and Hell are often represented as places. I don't think I'd be too surprised to find that it's all the same place, with the only difference [00:09:30] between the two being what you choose to make of it.

I still think a lot about what kind of house I want to have next, but I find that when I remind myself of how good I have it, and when I stay mindful of the small comforts that my home already has, the place where I currently live really does become a piece of heaven on earth. The Difference Between Awe and Ahh.