Episode 48: The World Keeps Moving While We're Left Standing Still

[00:00:00] What in life deserves our time and attention, and what things don't? I hope that as we consider that question, along with other topics on this show, that we can all learn to live our lives just a little more intentionally. This is Seth Roberts. Thanks for joining me on Skipping Stones - "The World Keeps Moving While We're Left Standing Still."

Sometimes things happen to us that are so terrible, that in [00:00:30] a moment, everything in our world changes. There may be well wishers and concerned friends and family, but as time moves forward, things will slip back into their normal pattern while you are left standing still. When you lose someone in your life that you loved.

The world stops, while at the same time, the world begins to spin faster, as everything in your life changes, [00:01:00] even though you're still standing frozen in the exact same spot. The family and friends come, the funeral happens, and soon enough, it's all over and you are left in the exact same place you started.

The friends and family start to check in less and less as they get back to their normal rhythm. For them, life goes back to normal quickly, while for you, it seems nothing will ever feel normal again. [00:01:30] For better or for worse, my mind has played out the possible deaths of my children too many times. Maybe it's just a way for my mind to stay diligent in its efforts to protect them.

Even though it hasn't happened, I felt that penetrating sadness. The good thing for me is that when these nightmares subside, my children are safe and sound. But for some of you, that nightmare is reality, and you cannot wake up from it. [00:02:00] There's a song that I liked in high school by Weezer called "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here," and the chorus goes like this:

"The world has turned and left me here, just where I was before you appeared. And in your place, an empty space has filled the void behind my face." There are some people in our lives that we become so close to that it's almost as if they are another part of our soul. [00:02:30] And when they're gone, for whatever reason that may be, it's like a part of us has gone with them.

I've been talking about the death of a loved one so far, but I honestly don't see how the pain from that is all that different from the loss. Of our person for any other reason. If you've ever loved a person and then lost them, it's hard to describe that pain. When you come to know a person so well and become so accustomed to having them in your [00:03:00] life, it is like ripping your soul in two.

I sometimes envy the people that lost their person to death rather than divorce, because at least they were parted, still loving each other. Whenever our world has changed in a moment, there are a lot of pieces that need to be picked back up. But the problem is that they don't fit right now. That part of you has been taken away.

It's like trying to reassemble a jigsaw puzzle without all the pieces. [00:03:30] We have to fill those holes with something else. This happens when people divorce, when they lose a family member. When they lose a close friend, the loss of any close connection has a lasting impact, but most especially when that person is the one you share your life with.

Even in divorce, which I can speak to, there is a pain that exists beyond whatever your spouse did. That pain stems from the emptiness that is left when they are [00:04:00] gone. When once there was a person that was a permanent fixture in your life, now there's a part of you that wants to turn and say something to the person that was always there before, only to find that they're gone.

Divorce has a way of tainting the experience with feelings of resentment and betrayal, but that emptiness is likely still the ultimate cause of all that pain, and it's likely the fuel for those feelings of resentment. Change [00:04:30] of that magnitude is hard. Even people that are bad to us provide a kind of shield from the unknown.

We may not like a person, but we know what to expect, and life without them is a great unknown. For some of the more fortunate, the life with the person they lost was far more than just familiar, but actually beautiful and irreplaceable. How do we get back to that place, if ever? I think the answer, unfortunately, is that we don't get back to [00:05:00] that place.

We go someplace different. And that different place can still be wonderful, but it will never be the same. When you are left with an empty space from the loss of a person, it isn't so simple as plugging somebody else into that spot. People do that sometimes, and I think it makes the change a little easier for them, but every person is like their own unique puzzle piece, and no one else is going to fit into that spot quite the same.[00:05:30] 

But we feel compelled to fill that space, so we will. It may not be with another person, but we will fill it with something. And whether we fill that hole in our hearts with new passions, pursuits, or distractions, or another person, it requires us to move a lot of things around inside of us to make a space for what we are filling it with.

So when you lose that person in your life, you can fill that hole in your heart with a lot of things, like alcohol, drugs, sex, [00:06:00] etc., but the problem with those kinds of things is that They don't ultimately bring you any lasting relief from your pain. A healthy relationship with another person, or a pursuit of something that you deem greater than yourself, Are really the only things that I can think of that will meaningfully cure us of that pain.

It will always be sad, and I suspect that we will forever have that person's footprints on our heart. And really, as I consider this more, I [00:06:30] think this applies to a lot of things in our life. I think our souls too often resemble Swiss cheese, and the source of those voids comes from a lot of places. But, I think most of the time it comes from no longer feeling loved.

And maybe that void is there because someone that loved us is no longer there to give us that love in person. Or perhaps the person that once loved us no longer does. Or maybe the person that no longer loves us is none other than ourselves. [00:07:00] Our souls cannot abide to stay empty, and they will demand us to fill them with something.

The best we can do is to find something beautiful and worthy to fill those voids with. The world may turn while we are left standing still, but when we choose to start moving again, we'll be in a new place, and maybe, just maybe. The grass will be a little greener. [00:07:30] This is Skipping Stones. You can find this podcast, "The World Keeps Moving While We're Left Standing Still", anywhere you choose to listen to podcasts.

For more information about me, feel free to visit skippingstonessr.com. And if you enjoyed the show, please like or subscribe. If there is a topic you would like me to speak on, please feel free to email me at info@skippingstonessr.com. New episodes will be released weekly, every [00:08:00] Monday.